“Officer! Officer, stop that man! He’s a thief!”
Officer Bittell turned around, hot dog in his hand, mustard in his beard. All he saw was a tall, odd-looking man with wild red hair and Coke-bottle glasses running toward him. He was pointing off behind him, at nothing and nobody in particular. “How can I help you? What’s your name?”
“Higgins. Othello Higgins,” the man said, arriving next to Officer Bittell, out of breath. “I’m from Brokesbury. It’s near Brainard.”
“I’m Officer Bittell. You were robbed, you say? Who robbed you?”
“He’s right over th— He’s by the— I don’t see him now. He was just there. Call all units, officer! Put out an APB! Take my statement! Won’t you please do something?” Othello Higgins asked.
“Hold on, Higgins. We’ll get to all that,” Officer Bittell said, finally realizing the mustard in his whiskers. “Hold this,” he said, handing the sausage to Othello Higgins and wiping his face with a napkin. “Thank you. What happened?”
“I was at the Hotel bar across the street. I’m in town by myself for one of those TV shows where you tell them your idea and they tell you how much it’s worth and how much they’re going to give you. I don’t have to talk to the producers until tomorrow, so I thought I’d stop downstairs for a lager. Some short, fat, trollish-looking fellow sat down next to me and robbed me without me even knowing. His name was Jenkins. Just Jenkins. He was right there just a minute—”
“Okay. Trollish-looking gent named Jenkins. Just Jenkins. What did he steal from you?” Officer Bittell asked.
“I HAVE NO IDEA!”
*****
“Honey! Honey, they called!” Othello Higgins exclaimed to his wife. “The producers. They want to talk to me!”
“That’s nice, Othello. Did they like your little idea?” she asked.
“Please don’t call it that. It’s no little idea. It’s the biggest idea a man from Brokesbury’s ever had. It will make us rich! It will make us famous! It will put Brokesbury on the map! People will say they’re from Brainard, near Brokesbury, not the other way around.”
“It’s already on the map, dear.”
*****
“You’re going to run up to me in a huff but you can’t tell me what they stole?” Officer Bittell asked. “What’s the big idea, Higgins?”
“Exactly.”
“What?”
*****
“Higgins. Othello Higgins. And you?” the red-haired inventor-slash-entrepreneur asked the short, fat, trollish-looking man seated next to him at the hotel bar.
“Jenkins. Just Jenkins. What brings you here?”
“Well you see, Jenkins, I come from Brokesbury.”
“Never heard of it.”
“It’s near Brainerd.”
“Is that even on the map?”
“I’ll tell my wife you asked.”
“What?”
“Nothing.
Anyway, I’m from Brokesbury, near Brainerd. And I’m here for one of those reality TV shows. You know the ones where you pitch an idea to billionaires and they offer you millions and you tell them to add a few million to those millions and then they’ll only be a few million short? Then they agree to toss in a few more million and you go to lunch?? I’m going to be on one of those.”
“Wow.”
“Wow is right. I’ve even wowed myself this time, and I don’t wow easily.”
Okay, Higgins, what’s this idea you’ve gone and wowed yourself with?” Jenkins asked.
“Well, I don’t know if I should say,” Othello Higgins said. “But what could happen in the next twenty-four hours? My idea is—”
“Maybe it’s best to keep this one to yourself. I’ll make sure to look for you on TV,” Jenkins said before waddling off.
*****
“Higgins, do you have any idea—”
“No idea at all, officer,” Othello Higgins said, interrupting Officer Bittell.
“God dammit, Higgins. Let me finish. Do you have any idea how many crimes are committed in this city every day? And do you know how many times I’m stopped in the street to deal with nonsense?”
“A lot?”
“A lot. But do you know how many times I’ve been approached by someone who can’t even tell me what was stolen?”
“I thought I was being quite clear officer. I’m in town with a bag and an idea, and after talking to Jenkins, I just have my bag. My idea, officer, I’m no longer in possession of my idea. I cannot give it to you because I no longer have it.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“MY IDEA! THAT MAN STOLE MY IDEA!”
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